The Balance within the world is simply too wide.

Lots of things happened today. As of now, i m putting that msn nick on till I improve. I really feel pathetic and useless. During extra training today, the same symptoms strucked me. The blood rush to the head, blurring of vision and finally accompanied by a splitting headache. Thkfully some1 had a panadol tablet which helped to control the pain. I spent most of the morning resting. Feels so useless and weak.
After which, I had lunch thks to an invitation from a friend. It beens a rather long time since some1 actually calls me out.
The world changes rapidly, so does its inhabitants. I wonder, is my form of thinking way too conventional? Am I not keeping up to the times? Still, I just wanna believe in my values.
I am rather confused and shocked by how drastic changes are.
Well, thanks for the souvenir, although I am unable to read the true intent behind it.

As a lil reminder to myself,
I SHALL SLEEP BEFORE 12AM DAILY IF POSSIBLE.

For the past few wks, I had been slpin at 3am, not from my usual code which I am trying really hard to stick by.
Well, since the start of yesterday, I had been trying to tune back my slping hours. Apparently, I felt adverse effects from the bad slping habit. Once again, I am tormented my giddy spells and mild headaches.
It may sound silly, but I keep reminding myself that I will become a saikyou (strongest) karateka and that I will lead my own path of life, not affected by the influence of others. Hence, starting today, I am gonna set trials for myself. I will force myself to diligently train 3 times a week for karate. It will be my goal to enter a competition next year. I will become stronger, so much stronger that I do not have to cower in the face of adversary.
It doesn't matter whether my existence is not acknowledged or either used for the selfish benefits of others. I will, for once, acknowledge my existence. I really wanna believe that humans are not born with a certain fate but rather, it is up to them who will mould themselves into what they truly want to be. I hate the fact that some people are born with the luck or elements that made them special or superior to others.
Recently, I have been lowly motivated. Probably thks to this recent gloomy holiday spirit. I really felt like a zombie or perhaps half dead. Every day of living seems like a chore. It wasn't filled at all with stuff that I enjoyed doing. But well, thkfully there are some factors in life to be happy about.
Well, nuff said. I shall work towards my goal, no matter how hard it is, I shall work to make up for what's missing and prove myself. I seriously hate to believe that success is partly reliant on human relations. Trials of life, here I come, gritting my teeth.

Argh... Hate myself and the stupid phone. Originally, I had planned to wake up at 9am. But the phone didn't ring or either was too soft. I woke up at 12.47 and thought the test was at 2pm. Then again, I thought and double checked using gprs. Darn... Its 12.50pm. By the time I was at the bus stop, it was 12.57. Hence, I gave it a miss.
Went back up and rebook. Got another darn shock. ITS ONLY AVAILABLE in FEB!!!
I am so sc*ewed... I will have no choice but to skip sch on one day just to take that exam. There goes my chance to drive in luxury next yr...

To top up the stack of misfortunes, I had a splittin headache after training yesterday. Reason? We had to train in crappy red and blue lights. The residue headache can still be experienced in my head now. Its as if some1 is biting the back of my head now, but its definitely not tat Edward C*llen guy. I am also tormented with a bout of minor cold and a dose of depression and self hate.

Hate as in basic driving test, not going for the first sat trainings and for sleeping late. Guess I need to stick to my codes in life. End of rant thks to my splitting headache. Thanks alot, stupid phone.

Back from my short island retreat. opened my mails, checked deadlines...
...
I am really getting stressed up. Anger and anxiety is building up inside of me. I really wanna smash something right now especially some stupid punjab head forgot to send an important email. Now the darn project's delayed by 3-4 wks and the buffer time's all gone.

next wk, I may have to hold sub comm interviews. Somehow, I feel strangled. I seriously need highly motivated people to enter my life...

Pray I don't get sick for the next few days after suffering the sun burns and uneven tan. Argh... I need some control back into my life. This hols aint feeling much like a holiday. There hardly seems anyone decent enough whom I can talk to. It would help if people would show concern to those around them, especially when you got 280 plus contacts, none hardly talks to you out of the blue unless its work related or something which is for their own benefit.

ARGH!!!