The Balance within the world is simply too wide.

I wonder if it was self deception or merely a feeling of impulse that affected the senses and level of judgement. I am gonna adopt a passive approach and monitor how things go. There were times of magic, however, recently, it seems to be running out. Like chess, I should probably calm myself down and think of the other possibilities which may happen. I hate losing with the huge pride of mine. I rather end the game of chess rather than continue deeper into its complexity if I was not meant to play it.

Side note: This sun may be my last trip with the jcc to fest. After which, I may withdraw from the club. Just feels way too distant now.

tagged by Jas!

Pick your birth month.

→ Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.

→ Bold the five-ten that best apply to you.

→ Copy to your blog, lj, xanga, wordpress.

→ Tag 5 people from your friends list.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized.Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing.Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

So who's tagged?
FCC member (sry for tormenting.) and anyone else who reads this. (post at mycbox to let me know.)

ps:yea, I know my hit counter sucks.

What would you do if someone you usually know changes overnight?
My soul darkens...
I had been hit by a series of events.

My other side is calling...
Yes, I truly admit that I have a certain inferior complex.
Just can't keep looking down and shunning myself.
I have pride, I hate being down right at the bottom unlike the past. Things used to be so smooth sailing, however, I wonder if my years of success and good luck had ran out. I detest the state I am now, most of the things I had done or placed effort in, they aren't reaping the fruits if hard work. I had possibly lost my way and sole purpose. My uniqueness is no longer present. I simply no longer understand what are my strengths.
I know what's gonna happen soon isn't gonna suit me much. However, I can't help it as I still remain victim to my mind's prison.

There's gonna be a change. A huge change...
Note: Worst case scenario, I may resign from some of my current responsibilities.

Remove 1 qn from below and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 qns. Tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of the post. (edit*:I am not gonna tag, instead anyone who reads this blog should.)

1)Have you given your first kiss away?-Nope

2)Where is the place that you want to go the most?-Doesn't really matter to me. With money, I can develop any place I want.

3)If you can have one dream to come true, what would it be?-Immortality and the power to grant longevity.

5)Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?-Rain? Oh wait, I would be indoors or busy running out of it.

6)Who/What are you afraid of losing now?-A few people and my way of life.

7)If you win $1 million, what would you do?-Make more money with it and give some money back to society.

8)If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her?-Probably. But haven't encountered.

9)What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?-A long list to write. You don't wanna know unless you are the other half.

10)What type of person do you hate the most?-Hate. I am starting to hate quite alot of people.

11)What is your ambition?-Create a cafe business that generates me revenue and finally start a F & B empire.

12)If you have 3 days left to live, what would you do?-Do something that will cause a bang and leave deep impressions.

13)What do you think is the most important thing in life?-Feelings.

14)Are you shopaholic?-Nope, I am deprived financially.

15)If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?-Depending on
someone who can point out my bad points, I would change it.

16)What do you do at home?-Variety of stuff. Its my caged prison

17)Any weird habits or quirks?-I am not usually who I am. Possibly have split personalities.

18)What would you do if not taking this quiz?-Having my lunch then going to school.

19)What were you doing yesterday?-I forgot. Short memory...

20)Are you willing to give up anything for a loved one.-No. I can give up lots of stuff, but some things are way out of discussion.

Ok, that's all for now as I do this quiz which someone kinda forced me to do. Now's time for lunch and off to school.

Tagged people?
Anyone who reads this blog.
Oya, Most importantly is FCC member.

Life can be kinda dark depending on how you view it. Yes, I feel kinda moody today. The reason? Even I don't really know much myself. Perhaps my daily routine wasn't quite the same or so.
Emptiness isn't quite a nice feeling.
Yeah. Everyone has their lives. They can't simply be concerned about a single entity on this planet.
They are busy. I understand...
The sands of time simply flow, leaving behind the mortal that hopelessly tries to hold them back as they slip through his fingers.
The flow of energy simply changes. From emptiness to the feeling of wanting to proof one's worth. Just one person who accepts that existence is all it takes to break through the cold and dark world with a piercing ray of light.
I hate being a patchwork out of the dark night sky, which complements the brightest stars.

I just feel like letting loose a furry of punches. All in vain...

I wonder if anyone has heard of a certain being that simply descends into your lives and touches your soul. It is probably a creator of memories and feasts on the bad ones that simply torments you by listening and offering you some solutions, be it good or bad, in exchange for your story which it listens intently to. It tries its best to shield you from the mind's prison. However, as time passes, that being's time seems to had expired and it slowly fades out of your life, as if its presence is no longer required. Probably forgotten as the sands of time continues to trickle down the slender hourglass of life, as if it was merely a dream.

Wonder if anyone knows the name or has encountered such a being?

---

Ok, just a lil update. I have decided to take a break from akd. Possibly returning after 3 months again at a different dojo. I may have fallen, but I don't intend to soar once more from the spot which I fell and hurt myself. Consider it as if I have lots of pride. I hate losing or failing. However, sometimes, it really can't be helped. So I am gonna be really stubborn and hard to kill in the things I will be doing in future. Words of encouragement were rendered to me from some people and I really appreciate that. So I am gonna try hard again, but not entering from the same door. I will catch my adversaries by surprise. Of which, I had planned to start tkd earlier than expected. Watch me get stronger... If Oyama can actually overcome failures and become the Godhand through hardwork, I will be true to myself and work harder than before to make up for the lack of talent.
After the msts, I am gonna attempt some things which I did not have the guts to carry out before.

Got a lil accident for akd. At the moment I am goin on a hiatus for 3 months before I rejoin at Frontier. Just so pissed at the fact that some1 else who totally does not understand anything and joined the grading last minute could get it instead of me whereby I trained so hard for the following months, sacrificing lovely sundays for trainins.
That glint of silver... Just hate it to the core. I guess I will focus on taking the road of Hard martil arts at the moment. I feel simply inferior at the things I do. I hate this feeling.
Things will change soon. I will climb up once more...
I wanted to accomplish some things today. However, both resulted in failure...
Just stings so much as I wallow within my mind's prison.
I have the dying urge to get better...

Argh... So much troubles, insanity seems to be the only key to keeping sane.
To mark a new change to my life, I had cut my hair short. Chances of me leaving it long as of the past will be low. Ever wondered if people do change whenever they cut their hair? Sometimes, I am sick of wearing a facade that isn't really me. I thought tat by learning to defend, I won't fear any violent opposition when I want to make a stand. Seriously, I don't know what the heck am I talking about now.

Just a lil randomness, I lost interest in some types of food. Particularly rice dumplings and chicken rice. I doubt I can never ever find the version which I used to enjoy.

Looking on the bright side, I can finally get my gold tips tml. 1 step closer to 2nd kyu which I will take at the end of yr and will have to build up my strength and stamina by then. Well, to me, it just comforts me to have a lil achievement in life, else I would feel void of meaning, possibly the kind whereby I doubt my own existence or personal uniqueness.

I have a sick obsession of trying to stand out at times. Always trying to do stuff beyond the norm. I have doubt in my abilities. My ideas that always seem absurd only works whenever there is a team of effective people working with me to help accomplish it.

Argh... Can't stand it much longer. Isolation probably done unintendedly or so, whenever I think about it. It stings real hard through the soul. Probably, as I stick to my own stand. No one else is there for you most of the time. I hate blog surfin... Others seem to have fufilling lives and when I reflect at myself... ...

I can't go on much more for now. Guess I should cap my prison of thoughts for now.

For all those reading out there: Stop doing so, my entries should be rather toxic. It could diffuse into u and make you feel kinda down.

Insanity still works like a charm... tormenting my head.
I just realised a whole truth. The world sucks... It truly sucks along with the sucky people who tainted it. I am developing the complex whereby the world is simply corrupted and I would love to own a certain black notebook that simply eliminates the scourges. Just feel like the pressing that darn reset button that seems no where in sight.
Too many idiots had drove me mad. I just kinda feel like dropping everything. Am I not cut out for responsibility? There are simply too many things which I hate...
I am gonna spend a rather unproductive day in sch soon. Dun wanna think too much...
Life seems so easy when you are a kid.

Bonds and affinity eh? I am beginnin to lose faith in these. They are all simply weak. Everywhere...
It seems that as long as no1 puts in a constant investment to talk, the bonds simply weaken and slowly transfigures into strangers. I am simply tired of investing too much, the returns are way too low. I havent even seen much interest. Yea. People suck.
It simply seems that the only 1 there for you will be none other than yourself. Too sick of being left out or so. Just simply fills me up with rage as I sink within my own mind's trap.

I dun wanna care much more. Once I achieve my 46 points, I am gonna drop all my ccas.
Its so much better being carefree.

Argh...
I am on the verge of insanity.
Possibly insanity is just a form of escapism.
Things arent going as smoothly as they are.
I just feel like smashing... smashing and smashing...
My scars arent healing as far as I expected them to too...

Minor update.
Since I really have to force myself to start bloggin again.
Hols r here, yea, i know this is the 2nd wk.

Wee~ i m playin with 160mbps thks to my new N router. Hope the neighbours' connection won't be screwed thanks to me.

Dun wanna talk much about school nor cca. Its all a pain.

Finally got into 8th kyu of karate. I can officially spar and take part in competitions. lol

This sunday is gonna be my 3rd kyu grading for aikido. Hopefully I can stick to my plan of gettin 2nd kyu for it at end of this year and then towards the ultimate goal of dan before ns.

As for karate, I would be satisfied if I got into 6th kyu for end of this yr and hopefully at least a 2nd kyu before I go ns.

Can't wait for august or septemeber to arrive. Then I can finally start tkd...

Other than tat. I dun wish to take about anything more personal. As for the moment, I am still able to contain my stress within.

Muscular aches makes me feel alive...